


if you ever find yourself lost in the dark and you can't see, I'll be the light to guide you

by blafard



Series: you'll always have my shoulder when you cry, I'll never let go, never say goodbye [1]
Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Bad Days, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, M/M, Post-Canon, References to Depression, Spooning, baz takes care of his bf bc simon is a sad little bean, they love each other a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-13
Updated: 2019-07-13
Packaged: 2020-06-27 14:34:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19792903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blafard/pseuds/blafard
Summary: “What do you need, Simon?” It has become a sort of ritual on bad days to ask that. Whenever one of the two was down, lost themself in their heads without a way out, they would ask and wait until the other one was ready to voice their needs.





	if you ever find yourself lost in the dark and you can't see, I'll be the light to guide you

**Author's Note:**

> title from "count on me" by bruno mars

Simon Snow was a lazy person by nature. Sure, he did what he had to do in a timely manner, most of the time, but not more. So, it wasn’t that big of a surprise for Baz when he came home (home as in Penny’s and Simon’s apartment, which was _home_ anyways) from class to see his boyfriend still lying in bed.

His curls were a golden tangle on top of his head, his shirt had ridden up and now exposed a part of his flat stomach and his many many moles and his blue eyes were closed, but Baz was convinced that he wasn’t asleep anymore.

It was 3pm for Crowley’s sake.

“Don’t tell me you haven’t moved all day, Snow,” asked Baz, a suspicious undertone detectable. He had rarely seen Simon that lazy during Watford days, but nowadays both had to take whole days off to recharge and sort through the messes of their thoughts.

“Then I’m not telling you,” came the muffled response. Simon peeked out from beneath his arm, a small, very tired and unconvincing smile on his chapped lips and suddenly Baz understood what had kept Simon in bed all day.

“Bad day?”

Simon only nodded, his eyes closed before he threw his arm over his face again. Baz was quick to slip out of his shoes, put away his bag and get rid off his pants before perching on the edge of their— Simon's— bed.

“What do you need, Simon?” it has become a sort of ritual on bad days to ask that. Whenever one of the two was down, lost themself in their heads without a way out, they would ask and wait until the other one was ready to voice their needs.

For Baz it had been harder than for Simon. Relying on another person during days, where he couldn’t stand his own self was a foreign concept. He used to be alone to weather the storm, and then Simon Snow tore down his walls and offered to shoulder some of the weight.

And now here they were. Older, and more open to each other than in the first few months of their blossoming relationship, but not much smarter since every bad day was different.

“I— I don’t _know_.” Months ago that answer would have made Baz feel useless and like a failure since he too, didn’t know how to deal with Simon on such a day, but after enough long conversations and a few errors he accepted the answer, stood up again and disappeared into the kitchen. Penny was out with some friends from uni, so he didn’t bother telling her about it yet, since he knew she would worry and want to come home to take care of Simon too. He would text her later. (She deserved time for herself.)

He was sure Simon hasn’t eaten since yesterday night so he quickly put some toast into the toaster and prepared a cup of chamomile tea and a cup of coffee for himself. He put some butter onto the toast, but left it at that and then carried everything on a small tray into the bedroom.

Simon hasn’t moved from his position on the bed, but Baz didn’t expect him to.

He put down the tray, re-took his seat on the bed, put his hair into a quick, if messy bun and then turned towards his boyfriend, his attention now fully on him.

It only took a few more seconds, before Simon began to stir.

Simon’s movements were sluggish, showed clearly, that deep exhaustion has taken over by now, but Baz didn’t push and Simon didn’t seem to care.

“You don’t have to drop everything to take care of me,” Simon said when he was able to face Baz’, afterwards he rubbed a hand over his face but avoided his boyfriend’s gaze, “it’s not fair to you.”

They’ve had this discussion a few times already, both too _stubborn_ to cave in and agree with the other and both knew that it was silly to insist on it, when they know nothing would change.

"You’re right,” he began, a small frown between his perfect eyebrows. Simon’s head jerked up at that, a slightly confused expression giving away immediately where his thoughts went. “I don’t _have_ to drop everything to take care of you, but I _choose_ to,” Baz continued with conviction, his voice giving no room for an argument.

“I don’t know when you will get it into your thick skull, Snow, but I _choose_ you. Over and over and I will continue to do so, until you understand that.”

It looked like Simon wanted to say something, probably something dismissing or something that revealed deep rooted insecurity that stemmed from all the stuff they’ve already been through, but then he stopped himself, slowly reached over and twined his fingers through Baz’ and gave him a soft squeeze.

And that was _enough_ , so Baz dropped it and returned the squeeze.

“I made you some toast with butter, that hopefully won’t upset your stomach and some tea. After you eat a little bit we can lay down again, if you want,” Baz explained, his voice soft in order to fit the atmospehere around them.

Simon ate two slices of toast quicker than Baz thought he would and didn’t even complain about the tea, like he used to before discarding both the plate and cup and pulling on Baz’ fingers.

The latter understood immediately, put away his, still quite full, cup of coffee and laid down next to his boyfriend.

"I want to hold you,” admitted Simon soon after, some color returning to his former pale face. Baz nodded, turned around so that his back was in front of Simon’s chest and then waited until the blue-eyed boy wrapped an arm around his waist and tucked him against his chest.

Simon was warm and familiar and Baz found it easy to sink into his soft and pliant body until they were pressed together from chest to thighs. He grabbed Simon’s hand again, tucked it quickly underneath his shirt and over his cold stomach and then closed his eyes slowly, when he felt a soft kiss being pressed against his neck.

“Thank you,” whispered Simon into the quiet after a few minutes, his voice holding a certain vulnerability. Baz chose not to answer except for a quick squeeze of the hand and then pulled the covers over both.

They could deal with everything else when they’re both ready and for now he was more than happy to sleep in the arms of his boyfriend.

**Author's Note:**

> I'd appreciate comments & kudos!  
> I'm [j-morevu](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/j-morevu) on tumblr if you want to chat or send a prompt ♡


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